


How Sleep the Brave

by Mara



Category: GARO (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 01:09:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11863500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mara/pseuds/Mara
Summary: Mitsuki Kaoru is not atalljealous of her upstairs neighbor's nightly…adventures, but the noise is getting on her nerves.Saejima Kouga has no idea what his downstairs neighbor thinks he's doing; he just knows that he could use a night of sleep with no nightmares.





	How Sleep the Brave

**Author's Note:**

> This began life as an Unconventional Courtship fic, using a romance novel summary as my plot. The characters, however, took it in a different direction than I'd originally planned. (I've included the original romance novel summary as endnotes, because it definitely still deserves credit as the inspiration.) This is a Garo AU, in which there are no Horrors, except those created by humanity.
> 
> _Important note:_ While there is humor in this fic, there is also significant dark content. This version of Kouga served as a UN Peacekeeper in South Sudan from 2014-2016. The descriptions of what he encountered aren't graphic but they also aren't pleasant.
> 
> _Less important note:_ I actually know a moderate amount about plumbing and drywall and building construction. None of that is on display in this fic, in which I am pretending to be ignorant for the sake of narrative convenience. Please forgive me.

Considering how many times she'd been kicked out of apartments for non-payment, Kaoru knew she really shouldn't complain about a little thing like noise. But honestly, whoever was living above her was just incredibly noisy. Astoundingly noisy.

And the worst part was that the sounds seemed…familiar. Bouncing on beds and banging headboards familiar. 

Except that it had been much too long since she'd had the opportunity to make those particular sounds with anyone else and it was driving Kaoru up the wall listening to them.

Night after night, her upstairs neighbor was clearly having more fun than her. She tried to focus on the canvas in front of her, but to no avail. She kept thinking about the brief glimpse she'd had of said neighbor. Well, it could have been a visitor, she supposed, but there were only four apartments upstairs and she knew the other three residents.

He'd been wearing a long white coat that swished around his ankles as he turned away from his mailbox. She'd been trying to catch another glimpse of him for weeks now, but he rarely ventured out. At least not when she was around! But with her patchwork of jobs, she was in and out of the apartment complex at all kinds of hours, so she should have seen him more than once.

But honestly, the noise was just getting to be too much. Were he and his partner tangoing today? Kaoru slammed her brush into the turpentine, giving up on painting for tonight. In fact…she was going to go upstairs and give that inconsiderate and clearly oversexed jerk a talking-to.

With a firm nod, Kaoru washed her hands and strode out her door.

* * *

Saejima Kouga bent over, stretching out his back after completing his swordwork. It felt kind of ridiculous to be waving a sword around after several years as a JSDF soldier, but the physical therapists and doctors agreed that it would be good for him.

So here he was in his half-empty apartment, doing sword exercises he thought he'd never do again after college. But they were better than the way his hip would cramp up if he didn't move every day and much better than the nightmare that had awakened him.

His mind shied away from the memory of the nightmare and he sheathed the sword with a click, laying it on a table and going to make himself some herbal tea. He couldn't stand the stuff, but the medical professionals had made him swear he would do his best to avoid caffeine. And the chamomile did seem to help a bit, so he always drank it as quickly as he could before trying to sleep again.

He was just filling the mug when there was a knock on his door. Startled, he nearly dropped the mug, catching it only due to his still-sharp reflexes, but cursing as the half-full mug splashed nearly boiling water on him. Dumping the mug in the sink, he quickly ran some cool water over his wrist and stomped to the door as whoever was there knocked again.

Scowling, he flung the door open, then looked down much further than he had expected at the woman who stood there, her jaw dropping as she looked up at him.

Rather than the misplaced pizza delivery man he'd been expecting, it was a young woman, probably a few years younger than him, in a casual outfit with huge eyes and a dab of blue paint on her nose. The paint was almost painfully endearing, he thought with a pang, and for a moment he wished that she really was coming to see him rather than whoever she'd been looking for.

* * *

Kaoru's tirade dropped out of her mind entirely as she stared up at the man who seemed to take over the entire doorway. He was tall and broad, his hair dyed an attractive lighter brown, his face…there was no one feature that stood out, but somehow her throat was dry as she looked at a drop of sweat slowly moving down his cheek. And his body was drool-worthy on its own, which she could clearly see, since he wore a pair of tight black pants and a sleeveless black t-shirt that clung to spectacular muscles that she yearned to sketch.

"Yes?" the vision finally asked. "Were you looking for someone else? Maybe you wanted one building over?"

Kaoru shook her head. "No. No, I wanted—er, I was looking for you. To talk to you."

The man stared at her, unblinking. "Why?"

Taking a breath, Kaoru tried to marshal her thoughts again, but her gaze kept dropping to the chest in front of her. "Noise."

He raised an eyebrow.

"I live in the apartment below you," she said quickly. "You make a lot of noise. You and your, er, guests."

"Guests?" He raised both eyebrows now. "I haven't had anyone visit me."

Kaoru could feel her face reddening. "Ah. That's…it sounded…"

"I was exercising."

"In the middle of the night?"

"Yes."

She waited for further explanation, but it didn't appear to be forthcoming. "Er…is there any way you could make less noise when you do it? Everything echoes into my apartment."

"I'll look into some mats," he said.

"Um, thank you."

"Good night," he said, starting to close the door.

"Wait!" She held out a hand. "I didn't even get to introduce myself. I'm Mitsuki Kaoru. I'm an artist."

"Saejima Kouga," he replied, ignoring her hand. His lip quirked in something that might almost have been a smile. "Ex-soldier. Now good night."

She stood in place for a long moment after the door shut, caught between two thoughts: If he _was_ having hot sweaty athletic sex night after night, she could certainly understand why women would agree to it. And if he was telling the truth that nobody visited him, that was a great shame.

* * *

Kouga was momentarily irritated by the woman's visit, but after he went back to running cool water over his wrist and making tea, he had to admit that it was fair for her to ask him not to make so much noise right over her head. It hadn't even occurred to him that anyone would be disturbed.

He resolved to get mats or some rugs. Maybe he would go out in the morning and buy them. Closing his eyes, he breathed in and out carefully as his heart rate spiked. Or…maybe he would order them online for next-day delivery. 

Sitting at the folding table in his small kitchen, staring at the bare wall, he drank his tea and tried not to think about his downstairs neighbor and her gorgeous eyes and shapely mouth.

* * *

Kaoru had been called many things in her time, but the word that people generally settled on after a while was "persistent." Once she had decided on something, it was more trouble than it was worth to dissuade her.

And although Kouga didn't know it, she'd decided that she had a mission to cheer up her upstairs neighbor and keep him company. The following day, after finishing work at the café she waitressed at, she carefully boxed up some extra cookies and went home to determine her strategy.

She didn't want to show up too early, in case he wasn't there, but she didn't want to show up too late in case he really _did_ have a…guest in his apartment.

After dithering for an hour, she finally gave up, grabbing the box of cookies and marching up the steps with determination.

* * *

If Kouga had known what was coming, he probably would have barricaded the door and hidden in the bedroom. Sure, he was a big tough soldier and he could handle five thugs leaping on him from hidden positions, but that didn't mean he could handle women determined to be friendly. (Usually after he was rude to them once, they moved on to greener pastures.)

But he didn't know what was coming, so he opened the door. 

"Hi!" Kaoru said.

"The mats are on the way," he said immediately, trying to close the door, except that she had somehow wedged herself in the doorway.

"Oh, I'm not here about that. I just wanted to apologize for barging in on you like that last night." 

"It's fine." 

"And I wanted to bring you a treat."

"I don't need—"

"Baked this morning!" she said. "At the best café in town. You know, the one down the street?"

He shook his head, not willing to admit that he didn't know much about the area around the apartment building.

"Well, they're really good." 

She stared up at him expectantly and to his surprise, Kouga found himself saying, "Do…you want to come in?"

Her face lit up and it almost made it worth it as he stepped back with an ominous feeling in his gut at letting anyone in.

He tensed, waiting for her to say something about the minimal furniture or lack of decorations, but she simply strode toward the kitchen. "We'll have some tea with the cookies, maybe?" she asked. "Oh, do you have tea? I could go down and—"

"I have tea."

"Good." She smiled at him again and he followed her into the small kitchen, feeling off-balance.

At least tea was something that didn't require a lot of thought, because he found himself hyperaware of her presence in his space. It wasn't _bad_ , exactly, just strange. He couldn't help looking at her out of the corner of his eye, feeling like she was a mirage that might disappear.

"A plate?" she asked.

He blinked at her.

"For the cookies?"

"Oh. Yes." He grabbed a plate out of the cabinet next to the refrigerator and handed it to her, before pulling out the teas he had.

"This is an interesting selection," she said, selecting one of the few caffeinated teas tucked at the back of the tin.

Handing her a mug, he said, "I have trouble sleeping."

"I know," she said with a grin.

"Ah." The water was almost boiling. 

"I don't sleep well either, but I usually paint when I can't sleep."

Kouga remembered the dab of paint on her nose quite vividly. "What do you paint?"

"All kinds of things when I paint for myself. Wild landscapes and strange creatures. I do commissions, too, to help pay the bills."

Kouga poured the water and sat across from her at his tiny table. "I…would like to see them sometime." To his surprise, he found it was true.

"I'd like that! My dream is to have an exhibit of my paintings at a gallery." She sighed. "But that’s tough to get. I'll keep trying, though."

"Do your best," he murmured automatically.

Kaoru picked out a cookie and held it out to him. "Try one."

He took a bite of the cookie. "It's very good."

She sighed. "I didn't bake it. The owner has forbidden me from experimenting with desserts."

Kouga raised an eyebrow and ate the rest of the cookie.

"You said you're in the military?"

"Was. I'm ex-JSDF. I was injured." He picked up his teacup quickly, hoping she wouldn't ask—

"What will you do now?"

Okay, that wasn't the worst question she could have asked. "I don't know."

Her expression was curious, but she sipped her own tea and ate another cookie.

They sat in silence, which should have been uncomfortable, but somehow wasn't. Kaoru told him a story of a picky customer at the café and he couldn't help smiling at her enthusiastic re-enactment. She looked pleased at his reaction and didn't seem upset when he didn't reciprocate.

There probably were funny stories he could tell. Maybe one day he would be able to tell them.

Eventually she sighed and looked at her watch. "I should get back to work," she said.

Kouga looked at the cookies in confusion. Hadn't she…? 

"Oh, art," she said. "I have a painting to finish."

"Ah." He floundered, finding he had no memory of how these social courtesies went. "Thank you for the cookies," he managed eventually.

"You're welcome." She rose and put her dish and cup in the sink. As they reached the door, she turned. "I had a nice time."

"I did as well," he said quietly.

"Maybe…" She bit her lip and it was even more adorable, which he hadn't thought was possible.

"What?"

"Maybe I could come back," she burst out.

He stared at her. It honestly hadn't occurred to him that she might want to.

"Never mind." Her face fell.

"Okay," he said quickly, before he could think too hard about it. 

"Really?" She lit up again.

"Really."

"Great! Then I'll see you soon." And she opened the door and dashed down the steps.

As the door closed, Kouga shook his head, wondering what he was getting into.

* * *

It became a regular thing every few days: Kaoru coming with a snack or a book and Kouga unable to be rude to her.

He learned why her boss at the café didn't let her cook, as she attempted to make him curry and it went…poorly. 

After that, she stuck with bringing him different foods from the cafe, quickly catching on to his favorites. Kouga found it oddly disconcerting; it felt like years since anyone had truly cared about his food preferences.

Of course, in theory he could have ordered nearly anything for delivery from the store, but in practice he had been buying basic staples and eating plain meals because it hadn't occurred to him to do otherwise.

It took him a week to realize that he could do the same thing for her, by varying his online order. He stared at the laptop screen for several long minutes before quickly buying the green tea she had mentioned and a large box of strawberries.

When he proudly brought out the tea and strawberries, she looked so pleased, he almost didn't know what to do. He caught his breath as she smiled at him as if he'd brought her flowers and jewels.

They ate the strawberries in happy company, until Kaoru twirled one in her fingers looking at it. "Kouga…"

He looked at her, concerned.

"Er, I was just wondering why you exercise at night."

"I exercise during the day as well," he said quickly.

"But not as often as—"

"I get very sore at night and need to stretch."

"Ah."

She didn't look convinced and Kouga went on. "I spend too much time on the computer during the day, so I work out at night."

"Oh, what do you do?"

Relieved she took the bait, he answered without entirely thinking. "Research for an after-action report."

"A what?"

"Ah, it's report analyzing events and suggesting improvements. I volunteered to work on one for the JSDF after my medical discharge." Volunteered? Demanded, more like. Luckily for him, she didn't pursue the question further.

"How did you end up in the military?" Kaoru asked.

"My mother was an airplane mechanic and my father was a soldier," Kouga said. "It seemed like the thing to do."

"Ah, the same way I ended up as an artist." She grinned at him. "But my father was a lot more successful than I am."

"At your age?"

"Well…" She sighed. "No. I guess I'm impatient. I want that exhibit now! I don't want to wait."

"You remind me of—" Kouga clamped his lips together.

"Of who?" she asked quietly.

He wasn't going to answer, but something in her expression loosened his tongue. "Someone I served with. He was always impatient for the next thing." He picked up a mochi and bit into it rather viciously.

Kaoru ate her own mochi quietly.

* * *

But as she skipped up the steps on a weekday afternoon, she found something she definitely hadn't been expecting: Someone about to knock on Kouga's door before her.

She saw the back of a dark trenchcoat before its owner turned toward her. His black hair slanted across one eye in a rakish fashion, which went along with the smile on his face. It was, she thought, an odd smile, but she couldn't pinpoint what was odd about it.

His smile didn't falter as she came off the top step and stood beside him in front of Kouga's door, but she could nonetheless sense his surprise.

"And whose little girl are _you_?" he said. "I didn't realize Kouga had any other visitors."

"Neither did I," she said, rather tartly.

The look he gave her was more analytical than friendly, but he bowed. "Suzumura Rei, at your service."

"I'm Mitsuki Kaoru, I live downstairs." She started to wave and then realized she held a cake box in her hand and managed to avoid dropping it. 

"It's a definite pleasure to m—" he began as the door swept open and Kouga looked at the other man with an expression that was less than friendly.

* * *

Kouga yanked the door open hard enough that he was afraid it might be ripped off his hinges. That voice…

"Zero!" he said. "What are you doing here?"

"Zero?" Kaoru said, sounding confused.

"A nickname." Kouga said, not taking his eyes off the other man. "We served together."

"It's good to see you," Rei said.

Kouga wasn't sure what to say. It _was_ good to see Rei…but not in the same context as Kaoru. "You—"

"We would be happy to come in," Rei said, sweeping forward, with his hand on Kaoru's lower back to bring her along.

Kouga tried not to think of snapping Rei's wrist for touching Kaoru as he let them push him out of the way and crowded in.

They ended up in the kitchen, where Kouga seesawed between joy as Kaoru bustled around making tea and putting cake on plates, showing her complete familiarity with his space…and fury as Rei watched her every move like a hawk pondering a particularly tasty-looking mouse.

Leaning over, Kouga muttered, "Don't even think about it."

Turning, hands on her hips, Kaoru scowled. "Why are you being so rude to him? He's taken the time to come visit you!"

"Yes, I've taken the time to come visit you," Rei said, his smirk even more infuriating than he remembered.

Kouga glared at him. "Don't talk to her."

Rei's smile dropped like a stone. "Why? What do you think I'll do?"

"I didn't—"

"Just because you nearly died, it doesn't give you the right to—"

"Quiet!" Kouga clenched his hands on his knees so he wouldn't launch himself at the other man. He couldn't bring himself to look directly at Kaoru, who had both hands covering her mouth as she stared at the two of them.

Rei clenched his jaw and was about to retort when he seemed to notice Kaoru's reaction. "Hey now," he said, putting up placating hands. "It—"

"Don't you 'hey now' me!" she said, glaring at him like an enraged kitten showing her claws. "I don't know what's going on here, but you're both being extremely rude. Apologize to each other right now."

Kouga blinked at her in astonishment and could see Rei doing the same.

"Well? I'm waiting."

Slowly, Kouga turned to face Rei, as the other man did the same. "I'm sorry," Rei said, lip quirked in a more sincere smile. "I'm still…"

Kouga nodded, understanding what Rei wasn't going to say. "I'm sorry as well. I know you wouldn't…do anything."

"That's better," Kaoru said, going back to making tea.

Kouga sighed to himself in relief.

"Don't think we aren't going to discuss the almost dying thing later," Kaoru added over her shoulder. "But not now."

Rei mouthed the word 'sorry' at him and Kouga shrugged. What was done, was done.

"I did come to see how you were doing," Rei said into the tense silence.

"I've been worse."

"Mmm." Rei glanced at Kaoru for a moment before looking at Kouga. "What have you been up to? This is a nice location for an apartment, if a bit off the beaten track."

Kaoru lit up. "It is nice, isn't it? I've been trying to get Kouga to take a walk in the park or go to the store with me, but he always has an excuse."

"Does he?" Rei murmured.

Kouga had to fight back the glare, lest Kaoru yell again. He crossed his arms and looked away, trying to pretend Rei couldn't see right through him.

"Well, I'm sure he has his reasons," Rei said, smiling up at Kaoru as she put a slice of cake in front of him.

Kouga did his best to not think about kneeling in the middle of a sidewalk in Juba, shaking as Rei and Tsubasa and Leo stood around him to protect him from the monsters that were only in his mind.

He carefully avoided looking at Rei, nodding in thanks as Kaoru served him cake and tea as well, then sat down between them.

* * *

Even as she served the tea, Kaoru was seething inside. They thought she was an _idiot_ , did they? Awful men with their awful secrets and their closed mouths. It would serve them right if she left them to beat each other up as if they were small boys who didn't know any better.

But there was something in Kouga's expression…she couldn't completely read him yet, but she knew he was upset. And Rei hadn't been exaggerating when he said Kouga nearly died. She was sure of that as well.

If she could stay calm and listen carefully, she might be able to solve some of the mysteries that had been piling up. Maybe she would get some answers.

"Rekka and Jabi finally got a job at the same hospital," Rei said.

"Good. They get cranky when they're separated."

"And I heard from Silva the other day," Rei said after taking a sip of tea. "She's moved in with Zaruba."

That surprised a small smile out of Kouga. "Is that so?"

"I called it."

"You did."

Rei leaned back in his chair. "I teased her about it and she almost hung up on me."

"You're the only one she _wouldn't_ hang up on."

"She's gone back to school and Zaruba is working as a security guard while he decides what to do next." Rei gave Kouga a look she couldn't interpret. "He'd like it if you called."

Kouga looked down at his tea, but didn't say anything. Then he lifted his head, frowning. "Do you hear something?"

"Nice subject change," Rei said with a snort, but then he stopped, tilting his head. "Water?"

All three turned to look at the sink, which was turned off, but now Kaoru could hear what they were talking about. It was a small sound, almost low enough to be mistaken for the hum of the refrigerator, but it was definitely running water.

Standing, Kouga headed out of the kitchen, and Kaoru and Rei followed.

"Damn it," Kouga said, opening the closet next to the bathroom that held the washer.

Kaoru's eyes widened as she realized that she could see a very large puddle around the base of the washer and more water spurting out of the pipe leading to it.

It took a few more moments for her to realize the puddle wasn't getting any larger. Which meant…

"Where's the water going?" Rei asked.

Kaoru couldn't help a small shriek as she realized what lay directly below Kouga's apartment. Turning, she dashed toward the front door to go downstairs.

* * *

Rei reached over the washer and turned the shutoff valves for the hot and cold water. The spray fizzled and stopped.

"Thanks," Kouga said, scowling at the rapidly disappearing puddle.

"Any time."

With a growl, Kouga stomped to the living room and picked up his phone, dialing the landlord as he walked back. The good news was that the man was in the building for once, so Kouga reported the leaky pipe with considerable irritation and snapped the phone shut.

Rei was watching the last of the puddle disappear. "She lives downstairs."

"Mm-hmm."

"It's never a dull moment around you, is it?" Rei shook his head. Kouga just looked at him and he laughed. "Okay, maybe not. In any case, I should probably get going. Places to go, people to see."

Kouga nodded and they walked toward the door.

Rei stepped out into the hallway, then turned back. "Have you been out?" he asked. "Other than going to the doctor in a cab?"

"A few times."

"And?"

Kouga didn't say anything, because what was there to say? Rei knew better than almost anyone what happened when he went outside without heavy medication.

"Kouga…"

"I'm fine."

Rei rolled his eyes. "Why do you even bother to lie to me, when we both know you can't lie worth shit?" 

Kouga didn't answer.

Tilting his head, Rei looked him up and down. "Well, you _look_ a damn sight better than the last time I saw you, so that's something."

"I'm almost healed."

"Good." Rei nodded slowly. "I still get nightmares, Kouga. We all do. Nobody thinks you're—"

"Don't."

Leaning against the wall, Rei crossed his arms and sighed. "Can I come back and see you again?"

"If you want." 

"I do, jerk." He grinned. "Or maybe I'm just coming back to see the cutie who lives downstairs."

Kouga stared at him with a laser focus. "She's _off-limits_."

"Keeping her to yourself? Smart plan."

"No. I just don't want to see you hurt her when you inevitably dump her."

Rei studied Kouga, eyes narrowing. "I guess I deserve that. But you might want to rethink your motives." Pushing himself off the wall, he walked toward the stairs. "I'll be back," he called over his shoulder.

A pang of guilt made Kouga call out. "Wait, Rei."

The other man twirled in place, looking inquisitive. "Hmm?"

Bowing slightly, Kouga spoke as humbly as he could manage. "I'm sorry. That was rude of me."

Rei's eyebrows shot up. "Well now, she really is having a civilizing effect on you. All is forgiven." And with that he jogged down the steps, soon disappearing into the late afternoon sunlight. 

Kouga stood for a long moment staring between the slats of the steps to the outside world. He could go there any time he wanted. Really. Any time.

Before he could entirely convince himself of that, he heard footsteps rushing back up the steps, not coordinated enough to be Rei. Kaoru rounded the corner of the steps and Kouga reached for a weapon he (thankfully) wasn't carrying when he saw her red eyes and downturned mouth.

"What's wrong?"

"My living room and bedroom are flooded," she said tearfully. "They've got to replace the floors and dry things out."

"Oh."

"Um…" She looked at him, eyes still full of tears. "Could I stay with you until they're done? If I make the landlord put me up in a motel, it'll be full of roaches."

He couldn't help the snort of agreement. Their landlord was notoriously cheap. Then it hit him what she was asking and he froze, stunned.

"It'll only be for a few days," she said earnestly. 

Kouga looked at Kaoru's tear-stained face and knew it was hopeless. He could defend against a physical attack even under the worst conditions, but apparently he couldn't refuse her anything. He nodded and she smiled. "Thank you!" she said, launching herself at him.

She would never know how close she was to dying in that moment, Kouga thought as he barely diverted his hands into catching her as she hugged him.

And then as she hugged him harder, he began to remember the other reason this was a terrible idea, as her lithe body rubbed against his own in ways that he'd almost forgotten about in the past few terrible years. Some of his squad had slept with each other, or locals, or other UN Peacekeepers, but Kouga had never been good at casual. For one thing, it required being a rather smoother talker than he would ever be. 

(For example, Rei was very good at casual. The betting pool on whether he would ever settle down was epically large.)

So Kouga gritted his teeth and reminded himself it was a _good_ thing to know that his libido hadn't been permanently damaged and neither had his dick. Fortunately, thanks to the bags and paintbrushes she was holding, Kaoru didn't seem to notice anything else sticking into her stomach.

The inconvenient erection went down as he got himself stuck carrying things that weren't totally waterlogged up to his apartment. At least she wasn't a packrat like some women he'd known. Most of the items she was worried about were art supplies, although they weren't exactly kept organized.

Eyebrow raised, he just looked at Kaoru as she threw paints and brushes and canvases into a box. "What?" she said defensively. "I know where everything is."

"Mmm."

"Hmmph," she said, hefting the box and looking around. "I think everything else either needs to be dried out or isn't that important."

Nodding, he led her back upstairs with the last boxes in his arms, carrying the two boxes in his arms toward the bedroom. 

"Where are you going?"

Kouga turned and saw Kaoru putting a box down in the living room. "You can have the bedroom, of course. I'll take the spare futon out here."

"Not of course! I'm not kicking you out of your own bedroom." Hands on her hips, she glared up at him.

He knew he should argue but he was just too tired. "Okay," he said, hoping it wasn't rude to agree with her immediately.

Kaoru didn't look unhappy with him as she took the top box from him and stacked it in the corner, while he retrieved his spare futon. 

At that point, Kouga realized it should have occurred to him that Kaoru would be sleeping in his apartment. On a futon in the living room. Right next to his bedroom. Also, and not so coincidentally, in the space he worked out in when the nightmares got too bad.

Staring at his face in the bathroom mirror, he attempted a pep talk. Surely he would sleep well tonight. It wasn't as if he got nightmares every night. (He ignored the voice in his head that pointed out it was nearly every night.) It would be _fine_. He absolutely did not look in her direction as he walked to the bedroom.

"Good night," she called after him.

"Night."

He lay down on the bed and didn't think about nightmares or the woman lying in his living room, probably in some flimsy nightgown. With a groan, he covered his eyes and thought about tea and shogi and flowers instead of a mostly naked woman a few feet away from him.

* * *

Someone was making a lot of noise, Kaoru thought. Was Kouga exercising without the mats again? It took her a long moment to remember that she wasn't downstairs from Kouga. And the noise wasn't…she sat up abruptly. That _was_ a moan, but not the kind she might have expected. Before she could think twice, she was on her feet and running. She couldn't ignore a sound of raw pain like that, not and live with herself.

Skidding into the door, she slammed it open. Kouga was thrashing on the bed like a man possessed. "Kouga," she screamed.

His eyes opened, but it didn't look like he saw her.

"Kouga, it's Kaoru. Please wake up." There were tears streaming down her face. "Please wake up. You're safe here but I need you to wake up. Please please wake up. I'm here and you're safe. Kouga, wake up now. I need you to wake up."

His thrashing slowed as she spoke and he stopped making the horrible sounds. Kaoru took a step closer. "Kouga?"

His head turned slowly in her direction and, in the scant moonlight, she thought his expression was horrified. "Kaoru?"

Falling to her knees next to him, she reached out a tentative hand. "Are you…I mean…"

"I'm fine," he croaked out.

And that broke her near-paralysis. "You did _not_ just say that! Because if you had, I would have to smack you!"

He blinked.

"You had a nightmare."

He took a deep breath, but didn't answer, which she assumed meant yes.

"Oh, _Kouga_." She put a gentle hand on his shoulder and felt him shudder at her touch. 

"You shouldn't…I could have hurt you." His head jerked up and he stared at her. "If I hadn't woken—"

"I'm not an idiot," she said. "I stayed back until I was sure you were awake." It wasn't until she heard how strange her voice sounded that Kaoru realized she was still crying. Dashing the tears away with the hand not on Kouga, she went on. "I can't hear someone hurt and stay away."

"You have no idea how dangerous I am!"

"I don't care." She peered at him in the dim light. "Does this have to do with what Rei said? About you nearly dying?"

"That's…I…" Kouga sat up fully now, pushing himself away and getting more tangled in the sheet that covered him. "I need…"

"What? What will help?"

He stared at her for a long moment. "I need to move," he said finally.

"Move? Mo—" Her brain screeched to a halt. "That's why you were exercising in the middle of the night. Oh, yes, you…do whatever you need to do."

Crossing his arms, he didn't say anything.

"Do you need, should I…should I leave?" She didn't want to go. She had a feeling if she left now, she would never be able to return. At least it wouldn't be the same. And the thought of that hurt almost as much as hearing Kouga in pain had.

* * *

He should send her away, Kouga thought. She shouldn't get more involved, because he would hurt her eventually. 

The sound of their breathing was very loud in the quiet room and Kouga tried to find the words to send her away.

"You can stay." 

As if in a dream, Kouga got out of the bed and picked up the red scabbard that leaned against the wall. Entering the living room, he flipped on the light and stood in the center of the room. Distantly, he heard Kaoru shuffling the futon she'd been sleeping on out of the way, but he couldn't focus on that as he stood on his recently purchased mats.

The dream was still too close. The memory of the civilian bodies, broken, mutilated, sexually violated; his body thrummed with the need to fight. But not like he had that day. Not with a gun, trying to determine who was friend or foe, dashing through the normally bustling urban landscape that had become a horror movie.

When the room was quiet, Kouga opened his eyes and unsheathed the sword in one fluid motion. Kaoru might have gasped. Sword raised over his head, he swept it down and then back up. The monsters in his mind crowded him, crawled over him, and he destroyed them with swift and precise movements. He leapt and lunged and slashed, destroying the fears that haunted him, giving his body the outlet it craved.

As always, he didn't know how long he fought, just that when his body was finally exhausted, he stood back in the center of the room, sheathed the sword with hands that shook slightly, and stood, sweat dripping down his brow and the breath panting out of him.

"Kouga…" 

He stiffened, having temporarily forgotten entirely that she was there, and didn't turn around. Surely now she would understand how broken he was, how dangerous he was. 

"That was amazing."

He whirled. Kaoru knelt in the doorway, futon leaning against the wall next to her, hands clasped and eyes wide. "What?" he asked.

"That was beautiful. I had no idea you could do that." She gave him a tiny smile. "I can see why it made so much noise."

Shaking his head, he began to step back, but his leg chose that moment to give out on him and he staggered. Then she was there, supporting him as he regained his balance, smiling up at him just as she always did. Kouga shook his head. "You shouldn't…"

"Don't try to tell me what to do," she said, helping him stagger toward a chair against the wall. "You know that doesn't work."

He sank into the chair and stared at her, reminding himself that she was alive, unharmed, that they were not in Africa. 

She crossed her arms and studied him, her forehead creasing in a frown. "You need something to drink. Something with electrolytes. Maybe something warm. For shock." She sounded like Adenech, the Ethiopian nurse he'd met in Juba, teasing him about overworking. Or Nyandeng, who owned the local food shop, who always insisted on giving him an extra helping of moukhbaza because he worked too hard.

"You don't—" He tried to stand, but his entire body felt like it was made of noodles. Shaky noodles, he thought randomly. Because he was shaking.

"Kouga?" 

Nyandeng had died quickly on the floor of her store, a casualty of a stray bullet. But Adenech…she'd still been alive when his unit arrived. Barely. He'd thrown up when he saw what the Sudanese soldiers had done to her. She probably hadn't even realized he was there, but he'd sat with her until she died, because someone should. Someone had to make sure she wasn't alone. And after she died, that was when _they_ came. The ones who took him away.

"Kouga."

Kaoru's voice was hard to hear through the buzzing of his ears, but he could feel her grab his hands. He tried to push her away, but she just got closer. "Go," he managed to say. It was difficult to remember that she wasn't the ones who had hurt him. He had to keep her away so she wouldn't get hurt when he lashed out in fear.

"No. Whatever's wrong, let me help."

Her voice. It was Kaoru. He wasn't in South Sudan. Closing his eyes, he tried to remember what his therapist had told him to do, but it was difficult. Kaoru's hands tightened in his and he focused on the way she felt. Kaoru's hands were small and had callouses from her paintbrushes and pencils. Kaoru was here with him and she was worried and that wasn't acceptable. Leaning forward until his forehead touched hers, he listened to her breathing and tried to match it.

"In and out," she said softly after a few moments, clearly grasping what he was doing. "In." She breathed in. "And out." She conspicuously breathed out.

It was probably just a few minutes until his heart rate had slowed and his breathing stopped sounding like a wheeze, but it felt much longer. Kouga closed his eyes, unwilling to see what Kaoru's expression was.

"Kouga? Are you feeling better?"

He nodded slowly, pulling back from where their foreheads touched and staring down at their hands.

"I'm so glad." She tightened her grip on his hands when he would have pulled away. "I was worried."

"You should go now." He couldn't look her in the eye.

"What? No! Are you ashamed?"

He had enough strength back in his arms that he freed his hands, but couldn't quite bring himself to push her. Staring past her, he waited for her to leave him to his weakness.

"Kouga." 

She was crying, he could hear it.

"Kouga!"

"Go!" he barked. "I don't want you here."

"I'm not leaving unless you throw me out."

He was almost ready to do it, but found himself faced with her fierce expression and couldn't. He didn't deserve to have her here, but he couldn't make her go. "Do as you like," he said, all his energy leaching out of him in a rush. He swayed in the chair, blinking at her.

Her expression softened. "You need to get some rest. Will you be able to sleep?"

"Probably."

She reached out, grabbing his hand and pulling him to standing, then leading him back to his bed. "Sleep. I'll be here if you need something."

Head down and eyes closing, he wanted to caution her to stay back, but couldn't. He fell asleep as she gently ran her hands through his hair.

* * *

His breathing finally evened out and Kaoru took a moment to wrap her arms around herself and let out the fear she'd hidden so carefully earlier. Not fear of Kouga, but fear _for_ him. She'd thought him a bit of a recluse. A grump. But this was an order of magnitude beyond what she had considered.

For a moment, she thought about doing what he'd said and leaving, going back to her apartment (once it was dry) and pretending this never happened. She could drop by and leave him cookies, but stay with her quiet life of work and painting.

Then she looked down at Kouga, his face relaxed and boyish in sleep. He was still sweaty, she thought absently as she cupped his cheek. They'd need to air out his futon tomorrow. And she was going to the library to use their computer. She needed to do some reading.

Which was her answer. She _could_ leave, but she wasn't going to. This proud dangerous man was hers and she wasn't going to be scared off now.

* * *

He awoke in the morning feeling groggy and ill, even more than he usually felt after a bad night. It took a long time for him to register that the odd weight on the futon was Kaoru's head resting next to his shoulder.

Not wanting to wake her, he contorted his head and neck to stare at her resting peacefully, his memories of the previous night flooding back. He had no idea what to do now, so he just lay there and felt every nerve on his right side fire at the proximity.

It was probably half an hour later that she stirred, blinking and rubbing her eyes. Kouga held his breath as she yawned, stretched, and sat up. "How are you?" she asked, seeing him looking at her.

"Fine."

She smiled, but it was different than her usual open and luminous expression. "Have I mentioned how much I hate lying? So, how are you?"

Kouga took a breath and gave the question serious consideration as he sat up, facing her. "I don't know how to describe it."

She studied his face. "Okay. Are you hungry?"

He shook his head quickly.

"Could you drink some tea?"

"Yes."

She stood, waiting as he carefully stood as well, feeling the previous night's exertions. As they walked the few steps down the hall, she whirled to face him. "Would you mind if I did some drawing? I have this commission that's due."

"Fine."

She just grinned at his curt answer and dashed to her small pile, grabbing her sketch book and some kind of colored pencils. "The light's good right now."

Kouga watched, bemused, as she flung herself down on the loveseat, angling so the room's one window shone on her. Within moments, she'd flipped to a blank page and begun to scribble, muttering to herself. 

He shook his head and went to make tea. The thought of food made his stomach rebel, but he knew he should offer her something. She was technically a guest, after all, even if a somewhat unorthodox one.

Rummaging through the refrigerator as water boiled, he found some sliced mango and decided that would have to do. He balanced the plate atop one of his mugs and carefully walked it all out to where Kaoru sat. 

When she looked up and saw him awkwardly holding mango and tea out to her, she smiled so broadly it made Kouga's heart hurt. Taking her share from him, she carefully scooted to make space for him, balancing the mango on her knee.

Kouga sat down next to her, trying to act as if lovely women in pajamas sipped tea just a few inches away every day. He felt like an awkward adolescent again. "What are you drawing?" he asked.

She beamed again. "It's a children's book. About a lonely knight." She handed him the mango. "Here, I'll show you." She picked up her sketch book and flipped it open.

Kouga couldn't help the small smile as he looked at the frankly adorable little knight in golden armor running across a field. She flipped a few pages and the knight met a golden horse, a silver knight, a princess, and an elderly squire. "It's wonderful."

"You really like it?"

"Absolutely." He handed the mango back to her. "You're very talented."

"Thank you." She ducked her head, blushing.

"I mean it."

"I know you do. That's why it means so much." She ate some of the mango, licking the sticky juice off her fingers while Kouga tried not to get aroused at the sight. The one advantage of such a terrible night, he supposed, was that it made it significantly easier to avoid thinking about sex.

Kaoru washed her hands and the plate and they drank their tea while she continued sketching, putting in washes of color now and then that brought the images to life. It was surprisingly fascinating to watch, Kouga thought. But he could almost see her thoughts as she flipped pages, adding and subtracting from the images, sometimes starting over when she wasn't pleased.

Tea finished, Kouga blinked as he took stock of himself and found he was…calm. Still tired and sore, of course, but nowhere near as unsettled as he should have been. At that moment, Kaoru looked up. "Is something wrong?"

"No."

Pausing, she put down the pencil and studied him. "Are you ready to eat now? You look pale."

About to refuse food, Kouga stopped to think about it. "I think I could eat."

Kaoru picked her pencil back up, absently tapping it against her chin. "How about some porridge? That's what I eat when I'm upset."

In his relaxed state, Kouga almost nodded, but he caught himself in the nick of time. "That's a good idea," he said quickly. "I'll go make some."

"Oh, but I could—"

"No no, you should keep drawing." He stood as quickly as he could manage without hurting himself and went to see if he had the ingredients for porridge.

* * *

Kouga did some work at his computer while Kaoru sketched more. Then she went to work at the café, promising she would be back after dinner time.

Once she was gone, Kouga sat and stared at the couch for a long time, trying to figure out what to do about Kaoru. He couldn't kick her out, obviously. But this…he'd never expected anyone outside of his fellow soldiers to find out. How was he supposed to explain things to a civilian? How could she sit there so calmly when she had seen him at night?

His mind circled the question for hours as he went through his usual routines of work and stretching and reading. Unfortunately, all the circling didn't come to any useful conclusions before she knocked lightly on his door, carrying tonkatsu bento.

He thanked her and they ate in the kitchen while Kaoru told a story about a picky customer who insisted on sending back his tea three times.

He cleaned up when they were done, feeling her watching him but not sure what he was supposed to do about it.

When everything was clean, he turned. 

"Kouga," she began.

"You'll take the bedroom tonight," he said.

She paused, blinking up at him. "Okay?"

"I will do my best not to disturb you."

"It's not—"

"I have things to do." He felt bad immediately after cutting her off, but she just smiled, following him into the living room and picking up the book she had been reading.

* * *

That night, Kaoru lay curled up on the futon for a long time, finally falling asleep at some point after 1 am. As she had worried, she was awakened by similar horrible sounds from the living room. She dithered for a while before rolling off the futon.

Before she was even out of the room, the sounds had stopped. Pausing at the door, Kaoru tried to decide what she should do. She heard the light click on and she listened until Kouga had picked up his sword. Then she slipped out of the room and knelt in the doorway. He didn't look in her direction, but Kaoru felt sure he knew she was there.

She waited and watched as he fought whoever it was that haunted him. When he showed signs of slowing down, she went to the kitchen and made him a cup of tea, handing it to him wordlessly. He bowed his head briefly and sat in a chair to drink the tea.

Once or twice, he shot her a look, obviously expecting her to ask questions, but she sat on the couch and waited. When he was done, she took the cup back to the kitchen and slowly cleaned it and laid the futon back out while she heard him take a brief shower. 

He came out in clean clothing and blinked at her, waiting in the living room. "Lie down," she said softly.

He did and she turned off the light, sitting next to the futon and leaning against the wall.

After a minute, she heard him take a deep breath. It took about fifteen minutes for him to fall back asleep. She sat for a little longer to make sure he didn't wake back up before going back into the bedroom and falling into an uneasy sleep herself.

* * *

It became a routine, Kaoru working on her art and Kouga at his computer, her silently witnessing his swordwork when he awoke from a nightmare, then sitting with him as he fell back asleep.

On the third day, she went out to lunch with a friend. She invited Kouga but he demurred with a headshake.

Kaoru started to say something, but stopped herself, smiling at him and waving from the doorway.

Kouga found himself hurrying to the window to watch her emerge from the building and stride down the street. She didn't turn back to look for him and he chided himself for expecting it.

On the fourth day, Kaoru's cell rang and she answered it. Kouga looked up, eyes narrowing at the strange tone in her voice.

When she hung up, he waited. 

"Um. So, my apartment is done." She was clearly trying to sound happy but she wasn't quite there.

"Ah."

"So I guess I'll…carry my stuff back down."

He nodded, fighting to keep his expression neutral while his stomach tied in knots. He'd known theoretically that it was only a few days but in just that short time he'd, well, he'd gotten used to having her there. He'd gone from fear she would see him with a nightmare to sleeping better knowing that when he had a nightmare, she'd be there with him.

Kouga busied himself helping her repack items into boxes, trying not to think how empty and quiet his apartment was going to feel soon. It was better this way. Better that she left before he became unable to let her leave.

Opening the door to carry the first box down, he nearly ran down Rei, who was just lifting his hand to knock. They stared at each other in astonishment for a moment until Rei saw Kaoru standing further back. 

"Am I interrupting something interesting?" Rei asked with a smirk.

Kouga shook his head, pushing past him.

Before Rei could say anything further, Kaoru had shoved the box she was holding into his hands. "Make yourself useful and carry this downstairs."

Kouga didn't pay attention to the rest of their conversation as he focused on going down the steps without his leg giving out or his eyes looking at the sidewalk in front of the building.

It only took them a few minutes to carry Kaoru's items back down to her newly drywalled and floored apartment. "How did you convince him to work so quickly?" Kouga asked, pausing in the doorway to look back. "I would have expected him to drag his feet for months."

Kaoru grinned. "I pointed out that legally I didn't have to pay him rent while my apartment was considered uninhabitable."

Behind Kouga, Rei snickered. Kouga just inclined his head in respect to her dealings with their landlord.

"Now, c'mon back up, you two. I still have the matcha manju from yesterday and it really needs to be eaten today."

Kouga followed the other two up the steps, grateful to have a moment to recompose himself. She wasn't leaving him forever, he thought for the tenth time in as many minutes. She was going to be right here. She was still going to appear on his doorstep and make him eat regular meals.

It was going to be fine.

* * *

They ate the manju and chatted idly. Rei had recently seen some of their former teammates and he told stories that clearly amused Kouga, even if he didn't show much of a sign of it. Rei could obviously tell that as well, Kaoru thought, watching the two of them interact. They were clearly very close.

As Rei stood to leave, Kaoru leaped up as well. "Oh! I forgot that I'm working the afternoon shift at the café. Kouga, I'll see you tomorrow."

She could tell neither Rei nor Kouga had believed her transparent lie, but Rei let her follow him out into the hallway before he turned, crossing his arms and waiting for her to speak.

She spoke quickly. "He has nightmares. He wakes up and fights invisible enemies."

"Yes." Rei was obviously not planning to be helpful.

"He's in _pain_ ," she said, fists clenched. "I don't know what to do."

Rei took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I don't know if you can do anything."

"What happened?" she whispered. "What happened to him?"

Rei started shaking his head before she was even done speaking. "I'm not going to tell you anything he hasn't."

She stamped her foot. "Why not?"

"Besides the fact it would be incredibly rude of me to break his confidence in that way…" He raised an eyebrow at her. "It wouldn't help him."

"I'm not a therapist, I kn—"

"That's not what I mean." Rei tapped her on the nose with a finger and smiled when she tried to bite it. 

"What do you mean, oh wise one?" Kaoru said.

"I could—with Kouga's permission—tell you the facts of exactly what happened to him. To us. But that's not what you need to know. What's important is how we react to those facts, how we deal with them. You should have a good idea by now how Kouga deals with them. Leo is training to be a social worker, which probably tells you everything you need to know about him. Tsubasa…" His smile drifted off his face and Kaoru shivered at his expression as he dipped his head, hair covering most of his face.

"Tsubasa?" she prompted.

"He's gone cold," Rei said, looking up again. "He's decided to never care about anything or anyone again. But he has his sister, so there's hope. Rin will never give up on him."

"I won't give up on Kouga," she said quietly.

"I know. And I'm glad." Reaching out, Rei tousled her hair. "Take good care of him."

"I will."

He turned, heading toward the stairs.

"Rei?"

He paused, but didn't turn to face her. "Yes?"

"How are _you_ dealing with what happened?"

For a moment, she thought he might answer, but he raised a hand and waved, walking down the steps.

Kaoru watched him go, tears pricking at her eyes.

"He's strong," Kouga said from behind her.

Whirling, she almost fell over in surprise. "How long…"

Kouga was still looking toward the steps. "He plays at being a lightweight, but he's not."

"I know that."

Glancing at her, Kouga nodded. "Yes, you would."

"Oh! He's joining the police force, isn't he?" Pursing her lips, she tried to remember. "He said…something."

"Yes."

"He's a protector. Like you. So he checks up on all of you and has found other people to protect. That's how he's dealing."

Kouga looked startled for just an instant. "I'm n—"

"So," she said quickly, "since we've established the code of silence is intact and I'm not actually working at the café this afternoon, what are we having for dinner? I got paid for my last commission and I'm feeling flush."

Walking past him, she didn't look up, just prattled on about who would be willing to deliver an early dinner.

* * *

Dinner wasn't as tense as it might have been, but Kouga had a look in his eye that she didn't trust. It looked a lot like the 'push Kaoru away for her own protection' look and she didn't like that at _all._

She thought about bringing it up, but eventually decided against it, hugging Kouga good night and heading back to her own apartment to think and put her belongings away.

That night, Kaoru lay awake, staring at the ceiling. What if she pushed him too hard and he refused to see her again? Her heart ached as she imagined no more afternoons sitting on his couch and sketching, no more teasing him and feeding him cookies, no more of his little smiles that were so rare and so precious. Maybe she shouldn't…

She remembered his face as he worked with the sword in the middle of the night, the sounds of pain as he suffered nightmares, the way his eyes went cold sometimes when he thought she wasn't looking.

Arms wrapped around her pillow, she curled up on her side. Tomorrow. Tomorrow, she would confront him. Shivering, she drew her blanket up higher and closed her eyes, determined to sleep.

* * *

When he opened the door, he seemed to sense that she was upset, because his body tensed and Kaoru saw his eyes immediately scan the area. It broke her just a little more that his instant assumption was a physical danger.

"Can I come in?" she asked quietly.

"Yes. Of course." He stepped aside, but he still looked tense.

She went into the living room, sitting in her usual spot on the couch, hoping he would follow suit.

He twitched, but stayed standing, still looking poised to defend her.

"Kouga…"

"What's wrong?" he asked.

Breathing in deep, she began. "Will you please tell me what happened to you?"

He froze, eyes widening.

"I want to help you. I want _so much_ to be able to help you, but I can't do that if you don't trust me."

"I do trust you. I allow you in my home."

"I'm honored." Still groping for the words, she stood, pacing closer. "I'm honored you've allowed me this close. But I can see that you're hurting and I want to do more."

His head swung back and forth in negation. "No."

"We're friends. I _know_ that you're hurting and I want to help. Please. Please talk to me." Tears started in her eyes and she let them fall.

Kaoru could see the struggle on his face and the way he clenched his fists. This was it. If she backed down now, she would never know the true Kouga. They would have the most superficial of relationships. Staring up at him, she silently pleaded with him to try.

"I…" He broke off.

"Kouga, _please_."

He stared past her, over the top of her head and Kaoru wasn't sure how long they stood there, but eventually he spoke. "I saw terrible things. Atrocities. In South Sudan. I was there with the UN Peacekeepers."

South Sudan. That rang a bell and not in a good way. She waited, but he didn't say anything else. "You were hurt," she prompted him eventually.

* * *

It was physically painful to force the words out. But he knew…this was it. If he pushed her away now, she wasn't going to come back. And that thought was almost as unbearable as the nightmares. "I was captured. They hurt me. My leg. Chest. Stomach. But the wounds on my body are almost healed."

"It's your mind that's the problem." 

"Yes," he said.

"Tell me what happened. What you saw."

Kouga shook his head once sharply. "No."

"But—"

"No!" He paused to breathe in and out a few times. "I won't let you be…tainted by what happened there."

Kaoru's teeth were nearly grinding, but she took a few breaths of her own. "Didn't you see a therapist?"

He nodded.

"What did they say?"

He looked away.

"Kouga…" 

With a sigh, he looked her in the eyes. "I only went a few times. Then I stopped going. Once my injuries had healed enough that I could leave the hospital."

Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "You _stopped_? You didn't say that you'd also suffered a traumatic brain injury that made you lose all your common sense!"

Crossing his arms, he scowled. "Rei agrees with you."

"Ha! I knew I liked him."

He knew what she meant, but he couldn't help the growl that phrase evoked. Turning away, he stared out the window.

"Kouga? Are you jealous?"

"What is there to be jealous of?"

She stepped up behind him. "Nothing," she said softly, leaning against his back. "There's nothing there to be jealous of."

"He's not broken." Kouga closed his eyes, not even certain why he'd said it. "You could go places with him."

"I don't want to go anywhere with Rei. Tell me why we can't go places together."

It took a good minute to unclench his jaw enough to say, "I get flashbacks. Hallucinations. When I'm outside."

She nodded against his back. "Okay."

He waited for more. "That's it? Okay?"

"Was I supposed to tell you that you should try _not_ seeing things?"

He snorted. "You wouldn't be the first."

"Did it work?"

"Of course not."

"So." He could feel her shrug a shoulder, before she tugged on his arm to get him to face her. "I'm not a psychiatrist. I can't fix you. All I can do is accept you or run away."

"You should run."

"Maybe. But if I was good at doing what I should, I wouldn't be a dirt poor artist living in the downstairs apartment because it was super cheap and the landlord was desperate to fill it." She smiled.

"That's…"

"You're stuck with me, Kouga." 

He found himself speechless, his throat tight with emotions he couldn't name, let alone voice.

Scowling suddenly, she waved a finger in front of his face. "We _are_ going to talk about you seeing a therapist, though."

He caught the wagging finger gently in his hand before it prompted any more unpleasant instincts, but when he would have let go, she used her other hand to hold on. Staring up at him, she seemed to be thinking hard.

Then Kaoru leaned stood on tiptoes and kissed him. It was no more than a butterfly touching his lips, but he almost gasped, his entire body tensing as he grabbed her shoulder with his free hand. She didn't flinch, even though he realized after a moment that his fingers had to be digging painfully into her shoulder. Forcing himself to let go, he took a step backward. "This is a bad idea." His voice was hoarse.

"Probably," she said with a grin as she followed him. "I'm known for my bad ideas."

"No, I mean—"

"I _know_ what you mean, Kouga!" She stamped her foot, smile changing to a glare. "I just don't care. Are you planning to kill me? Hit me?"

"What? No!"

"Then I don't see the problem." Closing her eyes for a moment, she took a deep breath. "I want you. You want me. It's as simple as that."

"It's not simple."

She stepped forward again, resting her hands on his chest and looking up at him with that open expression that always made him want to melt. "Please kiss me."

He opened his mouth, then realized he had no idea what to say.

"Please."

Slowly, carefully, he bent toward her as she reached up for him. At first he kissed her as gently as she'd kissed him, but his body shortly had other ideas. It seemed like forever since he'd done this, but apparently he hadn't forgotten. Sweeping her against him, he let himself fall backward onto the couch.

Kaoru laughed as she landed in his lap, a sound so joyful his heart almost broke. "That's it," she said, squirming around until she was kneeling over him. "Take what you want."

She followed her own advice and kissed him hard. Kouga crushed Kaoru against him, savoring the way her body fit against his own and the softness of her breasts against his chest.

This was a terrible idea but it felt so good. Kouga couldn't remember the last time anything had felt truly good in his life.

* * *

Kaoru ran her fingers up and down the parts of his back she could reach and it felt even better than she thought it would. He was…wow. The muscles she could feel in his thighs and his shoulders were amazing. And she was quite sure she felt a splendid erection under her, which made her groan.

"Take me to bed, Kouga."

"But—"

She deliberately pushed back against his lap, wiggling back and forth and grinning as his eyes nearly rolled back in his head and he lost his train of thought. "Bed. It's much more comfortable than a couch."

He stared at her and Kaoru wondered what he was thinking as she leaned forward and kissed him again. After a moment he made a noise low in his throat and then he had swept her up in his arms, carrying her toward the bedroom.

Smiling against his chest, she just laughed as he dumped her on his futon, looming over her. 

"Are you sure?" he asked.

She smacked his chest. "Yes!"

And then he was kissing her, invading her in a way she had never experienced before. All she could feel was Kouga around her, over her, touching her. She did her best to reciprocate.

Kaoru couldn't help giggling when Kouga accidentally ripped the seam on her shirt trying to drag it off along with her bra. "My big caveman," she said, fluttering her eyelashes up at him.

He cursed under his breath as he yanked both items of clothing off and tossed them across the room. 

Kaoru laughed at the look on his face, but her laugh turned into a whimper as he took the opportunity to swoop down and take her nipple in his mouth. The whimper changed again to a moan as his bare chest (wait, when had he taken off his shirt? she wondered hazily) rubbed against her.

It took a great deal of effort to focus, but she managed to find the button to his pants. The effort was entirely worth it for the sound Kouga made when she unbuttoned them and got a hand inside.

The angle was awkward, but she managed a few strokes before he gently pulled her hand away. "Unless you want things to be over too soon," he said.

Blushing, she yanked his head closer for a kiss.

They managed to wiggle out of the rest of their clothing while kissing, although it was less than graceful. The first touch of his naked body against hers was nearly electric. She just wanted to rub herself all over him in the most ridiculous fashion, but she settled for running her hands down his back to his ass, which was even better than the tight pants he wore would have you believe.

She could feel his body resting between her legs and she licked her way along his shoulder before freezing.

He immediately stopped what he was doing. "What? What's wrong?"

"Er…I'm not…that is, I don't have…"

He frowned, then his face cleared and he couldn’t meet her eyes. "I do."

"Oh, thank the gods." She nearly collapsed in relief. "I'm glad you're prepared, at least."

"Rei brought them," he mumbled as he reached over her to rummage through a box and emerge with the all-important foil square.

She shook with laughter, burying her face against his chest. "I'll have to thank him, next time I see him."

He stared down at her, aghast.

"That was a _joke_." She lifted her head, kissing him again. It only took moments to regain the mood and her body tingled. As he put on the condom, she nibbled her way across his chest, making him shiver.

His finger sliding down her stomach and into her made her gasp for breath and tug on his shoulders. "Ah!"

He began to rub her clit, a maddening game of gentle and rough that made her entire body vibrate with tension. She rocked against him, tension building and building. "Please please please please."

Taking her mouth in a rough kiss, he finally pressed against her clit just right and she whimpered as he took her over the edge, her body shaking against him. And before she was done, he repositioned himself and was inside her.

He felt amazing there. Sitting back on his heels, he pulled her legs up to his shoulders and she arched her back, trying to get him deeper, trying to help him move in her.

A few thrusts and they had their rhythm. Kaoru wanted to watch Kouga, but her eyes kept slipping shut. Hands grabbing at his thighs, she panted for breath as every push forward made her feel _so good_ , spasming in aftershocks around him.

Kouga made a sound and her eyes flew open as he thrust one last time, holding himself against her, his face almost pained. She couldn't help a whimper as she felt him pulsing inside her even through the condom.

Panting, he slowly lowered her legs until she could wrap them around his back and urge him into kissing range. Holding himself up on one arm, he kissed her as he pulled out and grabbed the condom.

Kouga tossed the condom in the trash and rested his arms on the pillow surrounding her head, forehead gently touching hers. They were both breathless but she managed to smile. "Hey."

He gave her his tiny smile, which made her heart sing. "Hey."

After a few more breaths, he slid to the side to rest beside her and she turned to face him, running her fingers through his hair.

"This doesn't magically fix anything," he murmured.

"Of course not." She poked his chest, enjoying the way her finger just bounced off his sweaty muscles. "I didn't have sex with you because I wanted to fix you. I did it because I wanted to. Because you're hot, in case you hadn't noticed."

"I don't want you to think…"

"That you're going to turn into sunshine and light and do a jig on the front sidewalk?" 

His quickly suppressed snort of laughter was one of the most beautiful things she'd ever heard. "Yes."

"I don't have any illusions." Resting her hand on his chest, she felt his heart beat against her palm. "I hope maybe someday you'll trust me enough to talk to me. But mainly I plan on nagging you until you get therapy and medication and then the medical professionals can fix you, because that's what they do."

He lay very still under her, his heart briefly racing before it dropped back to its normal pace. "I suppose…I could try."

"That's all I can ask." She smiled at him. "I'll be with you, no matter what."

\--end--

**Author's Note:**

> The original summary for this fic, before the entire South Sudan/flashbacks/PTSD thing happened was the following:
> 
> Sleeping with the Soldier by Charlotte Phillips
> 
> All Mitsuki Kaoru knows about the hot-as-sin guy who lives above her is that his nocturnal activities are keeping her awake. A lot. Fed up—and not at all jealous!—she decides to confront the man head-on. Big mistake! Because, face-to-face, Kaoru sees just why so many women fall into Kouga's bed! 
> 
> Nights have been sheer torture for ex-soldier Saejima Kouga ever since he returned from active duty, but he's not about to share that with Kaoru. But when she becomes his unexpected flatmate, temptation personified is sleeping in the room next door, and keeping his distance is going to be difficult. Impossible. In fact…it's the perfect opportunity to show her just why sleep is so overrated…


End file.
